PFO........Politely

Dear Cathy,

Thank you for your interest in our organization and for taking the time to meet with us regarding the position of Human Resources Officer. We enjoyed meeting you and discussing your candidacy for this position.

We were fortunate to have had several well qualified applicants for this position and met with each of the top applicants. Although you have an impressive background, we have decided to pursue an applicant whose skills and experience more closely meet our department's needs. Please be assured that this is in no way a reflection on your capabilities.

Thank you once again. Please accept our best wishes in your future career endeavours.

Sincerely,

Michael

Dear Michael,

I enjoyed meeting you as well and I am certain with minimal effort on your part and the help of Strauss-Kahn's legal team, you too can beat that work-related sexual harassment allegation. Remember, it's people's egos that require constant stroking and not their genitalia. Simple mistake.

By "well qualified" candidates I can only assume you meant young and willing to work for next to nothing. Kids today! Thanks for reiterating that I have an "impressive background". You, my friend, have amazing instinct. You are obviously referring to the time I went on the record by stating Amy Winehouse was even more fucked up than Charlie Sheen, may she rest in peace.

So you too have decided to pursue an applicant whose "skills and experience" more closely meet your department's needs. If by "skills and experience" you mean an applicant who is incapable of cursive writing and has no idea what a turntable is, then who can blame you.

Thank you for assuring me that this is indeed no reflection on my capabilities. On the contrary. Your perceptions are correct. I am capable of many things. In fact, I predict you will be reposting this very position within months of filling it, nine months to be exact. And for the record, had you hired me, reposting would not have been necessary.

In closing, may Allah declare a thousand fatwas on you and your family. God bless.

Sincerely,

Cathy