Monday, August 23, 2010

To Thine Own Self Be True



They say write what you know. I know one thing. Well I know lots of things let's be honest. But one thing I know for sure. I hate interviewing for a job. First of all you have to put on good clothes. How is one expected to respond clearly and concisely to questions while wearing shoes and socks I ask you? You're expected to think on your feet but how is that humanly possible while being seated? I should ask to stand during the interrogation process because the thinking on my feet part doesn't seem to work while I'm sitting on my ass.

I think I know why I suck at interviews. I am incapable of bullshit. Yet the interview is all about bullshitting. When someone asks, "Why do you want to work here?" It takes everything I have to keep from answering, "You're kidding me right? I'm unemployed. I like to eat. That dream I had about tuition being waived this year was just that, a dream. Ed McMahon died so all bets are off of ever winning the Publishers Clearing House." But you give the interviewers what they want and you move on to the next question. "What are some of the characteristics you feel are necessary to succeed in this position?" Bullshitting?

So after the show you put on and all the spew that came out of your mouth, the same mouth you eat with by the way, you have to go home and shower off all the crap you've just fed to three complete strangers. You feel so dirty and cheap. You immediately start yelling at your kids because you need to get back to your old self right away. Your spouse phones to ask how the interview went and you go off on him for having to move to Toronto in the first place and leave your old cushy job where dress down day was everyday; people knew the real you and didn't seem to mind the sarcasm; and you could wear Birkenstocks.

Interviewing is like prostituting yourself and for what? So you can work at a place that guaranteed in a few short months you will be asking yourself why on earth you accepted the offer.

Nice building though.

No comments: