Family dysfunction

Q My 45-year-old brother is uncouth to the point of embarrassing. At family functions he has told racist jokes, referred to his wife in derogatory terms and humiliates his kids while loudly disciplining them. I'm getting married this summer and I am afraid to introduce him to my future in-laws for fear of how it will make me look. Do I have to invite my only sibling to the nuptials?

Dear Dysfunctional,

Many of us have siblings who no doubt at one point or other in their lives, have put the “fun” in dysfunctional. President Jimmy Carter’s brother Billy had to have been the ultimate embarrassment to his brother. Billy was considered a ‘redneck country bumpkin’ and the press had a field day with his colourful character. . Yet in his memoir President Carter wrote, "The only one of our family who really suffered because of [my presidency] was my brother Billy."

Your brother, at 45, is not about to change his stripes. You could ask him to tone it down a bit on your big day without hurting his feelings because he should be on the guest list. You say you’re afraid to introduce him to your future in-laws for fear of how it will make you look? Do you think they will agree the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree? If so, why worry? They’re not worth it. Your brother’s not becoming part of their extended family. You are. I’m guessing your soon to be spouse is aware of your brother’s character flaws and the wedding hasn’t been cancelled correct?

I’m sure like any bride, you want your special day to go off without a hitch. If this really concerns you, seat your brother at a table with your relatives who are familiar with his non-traditional behaviours and try to enjoy your special day.

Best wishes on your impending nuptials.