Spa Treatment or Interrogation Techniques - Is there a Difference?

If you’re anything like me, the older you get, the more maintenance required. The time spent on trying to recapture ones youth can be torture. Hair removal, waxing, laser treatments are only a handful of painful methods which aid in looking better as we age. Which made me think, there’s been all that interest in the interrogation and treatment of prisoners of war, the prisoners feeling the current treatment excessive. Why not enlist these techniques which are completely legit, in demand and promise an attractive look in return?
Why is it the very people who inflict torture on the innocent "collaterals" are the first to cry foul when the favor is returned? Let’s put an end at last to these cries of foul.
Let’s pamper our prisoners with some electrolysis shall we?. Tiny jolts of electricity used to remove those unsightly hairs. Ask anyone who has ever had the pleasure of surrendering themselves to this technique of permanent hair removal and they will compare it to a continual voltage of electricity one might experience by sticking a fork in an electrical outlet over and over and over again; or placing a knife in the toaster to retrieve the bread that won’t automatically release; or rubbing your socks across wall to wall carpeting and then touching a piece of metal. You get the picture.. Why we’d have prisoners spilling their guts in no time. Leg waxing, plucking away nose hair, Osama Bin Laden’s whereabouts might be found sooner should these techniques become available.
Rather than picking through the prisoner’s beard as was the method used with Mr. Hussein and having all of those nasty photos circulating, why not enlist the services of a trained aesthetician to remove each and every hair on the prisoner’s chin. This will be accomplished by inserting an oh so tiny needle into each root and applying the smallest jolt of electricity which will permanently kill the root and remove the hair. Depending on the length and thickness of the beard, this process could take hours. People pay good money to have this done but no worries. This treatment will be courtesy of the US government.
Try and imagine the conversation between the aesthetician and the prisoner.
"So tell me Mohammad, why is it everyone seems to be named Mohammad?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"I see you are rather fair skinned like myself. Is that your natural look or is that due to lack of vitamin D brought on by having spent a great deal of your time in cave dwellings? Poor Osama. Hopefully his whereabouts are reported soon so he doesn’t contact osteoporosis or something worse requiring him to have to have hip replacement surgery. I can imagine maneuvering around those mountains and caves must be a bitch. Sure hope it’s not too late to save him."
"Might you turn the current down ever so sightly? This process is rather painful"
"Tell me about it. No can do though. Your beard is quite coarse so I’m afraid the current will have to be set higher. My apologies. Of course, any information you could provide the military on Osama’s whereabouts might be enough to ask for a simple disposable Schick to do the job. It’s your call Mohammad,.or can I call you Mo? And by the way, what’s up with hijabs? Where do you buy them, Hijabs ‘R’ Us? Must have been dreamed up by some man although they sure would come in handy on those bad hair days."

"Madame, this conversation is shear torture. Please tell the guards I am ready to speak."
"Great. The guards say I’m the best at extracting information without inflicting too much pain."
"Trust me madame, time spent with you is much more painful than you know."