Lives of the Rich and Famous and Really Good Looking

David Beckham, the soccer phenomenon, is one of an elite group of upper echelon athletes who simply put, has that Midas touch. He has it all; athleticism, good looks, personality, a celebrity trophy wife (with adjustable breasts and perfect hair) and mega millions. He is best friends (and admits to it), with Tom Cruise, the practicing Scientologist, which begs the question, "huh?" David is in fact a marketing dream. The mere mention of his name acts as a pheromone to millions of screaming, adoring fans, and that includes both the male and female population. Picture the Beatles Ed Sullivan debut and multiply the audience reception by a gazillion. That doesn’t even scratch the surface of the Beckam effect.
And just when we think he can’t get any bigger, guess who’s coming to America? David has signed to play soccer for the Los Angeles Galaxy and will be paid two-hundred and fifty million dollars to do so. Now it would seem David has it all but is he happy?
Think about it, two-hundred and fifty million dollars to kick a ball? And keep in mind this is European football. There are no helmets, no shoulder pads, no quarterback sacks; no tackle being made by a no neck 300 pound all pro linebacker nicknamed Moby the Dick, who would like nothing better than to have you for lunch; no feeling as though you have been hit by a Mack truck the day after the game. European football is in the words of Hans and Franz "girly man" football. Is David a girly man?
Maybe the question is whether David is worth two-hundred and fifty million dollars?
Is this the going rate for good looks, athleticism, a chiseled body, mega bucks, perfect hair, (hair whose style seems to change more often than most folks change their underwear) and the ability to kick a ball? But then it can’t be easy being David. Imagine the tormented life he must lead.
For instance, David can never say he’s not just another pretty face because he is.
David can never say he has a face only a mother could love, because he doesn’t.
David can never ask his wife ‘how are they’ because she will require more information than that. (they could mean her oversized breasts, or perhaps their three children)
David can never ask a photographer to "be sure to get my good side" because he has no bad side.
David will never know what it’s like to experience life’s little annoyances like having a bad hair day or having to buy off the rack. And how can David ever be sure folks like him for him and not because he is drop dead gorgeous or filthy rich or naturally talented. It must be tough going through life as David Beckham.
Yes David is one of the disadvantaged of the world. He does deserve to be paid two-hundred and fifty million dollars for simply kicking a ball. It must be awful being him.